what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
