if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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