Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I forget how to act sober
Randomize