Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
