Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
