that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
