You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
