I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
