READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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