nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
