I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You can't motorboat a personality
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
