so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
