So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
