YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
