I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
