Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
