why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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