btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
