ugly people sure do ruin things
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
