Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
