I got chris browned last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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