____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
