I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
