I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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