I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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