p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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