The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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