I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
