so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm like, not good at living.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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