YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
