guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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