you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
