it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
