Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we're so committed to being not committed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
