toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
