Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
