Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This baby is an asshole
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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