last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
