Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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