You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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