smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
