it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
