I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
