so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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