you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
