Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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