I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
