I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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