how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
