I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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