Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
