Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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