Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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