porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
