just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
