i think my tv is drunk
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
