So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
