I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
