Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
