so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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