wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
