He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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