i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
