How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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