get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
