ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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