screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
