I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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