You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've blown a few things in my day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
