No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
